Are You Living Out of Alignment?
You’ve been feeling tired—emotionally drained, physically exhausted, and mentally disengaged. Maybe you tell yourself it’s just part of life, a natural byproduct of balancing a demanding career, relationships, and daily responsibilities. But what if it’s something deeper? What if the root of your exhaustion and disengagement isn’t just stress, but a fundamental misalignment between your actions and your values?
Could the core of your burnout be a conflict between the life you’re living and the values that truly matter to you? This post explores how living out of alignment with your values can lead to emotional strain, dissatisfaction, and ultimately burnout. And, more importantly, how recognising this connection is the first step toward reclaiming a life that feels true to you.
The Psychological Impact of Misalignment
When our actions and choices don’t match our personal values, it creates an internal conflict known as identity conflict. This isn’t just an abstract concept—it’s a psychological strain that shows up as chronic stress, irritability, or emotional fatigue. Over time, this disconnect takes a toll, draining our energy and undermining our sense of fulfillment.
Research published in The Journal of Occupational Health Psychology reveals that individuals whose work is disconnected from their core values are significantly more likely to experience emotional exhaustion and cynicism (Leiter & Maslach, 2005). This emotional drain can manifest as burnout, even when external markers of success are present.
A powerful example of this misalignment comes from author and motivational speaker Danielle LaPorte, who experienced severe burnout while running a successful business. In her book The Fire Starter Sessions, LaPorte shared how chasing financial success and recognition caused her to lose sight of her values of freedom and creativity. This misalignment led to a breakdown, which eventually prompted her to realign her life and career with her core values, allowing her to rebuild from a place of authenticity (Danielle LaPorte’s Story).
Why Women and People-Pleasing Behaviour Lead to Burnout
Women, especially those who are ambitious and high-achieving, often face societal pressures to be everything to everyone. This can lead them to engage in people-pleasing behaviors, ignoring their own values to meet others’ expectations. People-pleasing behaviors—putting the needs and approval of others above your own desires—are especially prone to creating internal conflict.
This pattern is particularly common among women, who may feel a constant pull to live up to roles as nurturing, accommodating, and successful, often all at once. A Harvard Business Review study found that women in leadership roles are more likely to experience burnout than their male counterparts due to the emotional labor of navigating societal expectations while managing their careers (Kark & Waismel-Manor, 2020). Constantly meeting these external demands without tending to their own values leads many women to burnout.
Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on vulnerability and courage, has discussed how people-pleasing behaviors exacerbate burnout. According to Brown, by constantly striving for external approval, we lose connection with our own needs and values. This disconnection creates a sense of overwhelm and deep emotional fatigue, which over time manifests as burnout (Brené Brown).
Recognizing the Signs of Misalignment
t’s easy to brush off burnout symptoms as normal stress. But if you’re feeling chronically drained, emotionally disconnected, or if your motivation is waning, these may be signs that your life is out of alignment with your values. Emotional exhaustion is often the first clue, but it can show up in other ways too—like feeling stuck, lacking passion for your work, or experiencing a persistent sense of dissatisfaction.
Research from The Journal of Positive Psychology shows that individuals who prioritize external success over intrinsic values are significantly more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression (Schiffrin & Nelson, 2010). When we chase achievements that don’t reflect our core values, we inevitably feel unfulfilled. Instead of recharging from our accomplishments, we feel drained, wondering why nothing seems to bring us the joy we anticipated.
Ask yourself:
- Do you feel more motivated by external rewards, like praise or money, than by the work itself?
- Are you constantly doing things out of obligation rather than desire?
- Do you feel like you’re living someone else’s life rather than your own?
Recognizing these signs is the first step to understanding whether you’re living in alignment with your values or if you’re trapped in a cycle that’s slowly burning you out.
Conclusion
Burnout doesn’t just happen because we’re overworked—it often stems from living a life that’s misaligned with our core values. By understanding the connection between misalignment and emotional exhaustion, we can start to make meaningful changes. It’s crucial to reflect on your own values and behaviors to see whether your life reflects what’s truly important to you. If it doesn’t, it might be time to consider how to realign.
In the next post, we’ll explore practical strategies for reconnecting with your core values and creating a life that feels fulfilling, purposeful, and authentically yours.
References:
- Leiter, M. P., & Maslach, C. (2005). Banishing burnout: Six strategies for improving your relationship with work. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 10(4), 386-393. Link to study
- Kark, R., & Waismel-Manor, R. (2020). From burnout to balance: Managing gender expectations in leadership roles. Harvard Business Review. Link to article
- Schiffrin, H. H., & Nelson, S. K. (2010). Stressed and happy? Investigating the relationship between happiness and perceived stress. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 5(2), 115-130. Link to study
- Danielle LaPorte’s Journey of Re-Alignment. Danielle LaPorte’s Website
- Brené Brown’s Research on People-Pleasing and Vulnerability. Brené Brown
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